


To build a home

by HijikataTrash



Category: Gintama
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Heartache, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I literally hate this go on my profile and read anything but that, Inspired By Tumblr, Inspired by Music, Sad, Sad Ending, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-03 06:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13335186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HijikataTrash/pseuds/HijikataTrash
Summary: They were supposed to get married the very next day and it all went into dust.OrThe song that was meant to be played at their wedding was now played at her funeral.





	To build a home

**Author's Note:**

> Complete fucking vent bc I feel bad as shit lmao sorry for this:( enjoy!
> 
> Try listening with That home/to build a home by the cinematic orchestra (on repeat) for more insight!

Sougo and Kagura chased after each other for years before getting together. They spent the majority of their time fighting, that wasn’t a secret for anyone.

The day they announced to their closed ones they were now dating was a shock for everyone, almost. Gintoki liked to brag about how he saw it coming from miles away. It’s his love radar that gave them away, he said. No one believed him, of course. Gintoki was the most clueless of them all.

Everyone went with it. Their relationship seemed to be in great condition, which was once again a huge surprise to everyone around them. They didn’t fight as much as expected and they really seemed to be in love.

The next big surprise to come was when Sougo asked her to marry him. Nothing would ever compare to that day. Kagura would keep good memories from it forever.

* * *

 

The wind was blowing Kagura’s hair gently, tangling them a little from the force of it. The smell of humidity was strong, due to the heavy rain from the past few days. But Kagura liked that smell.

The sky was dark and a cold breeze could be felt. Kagura preferred this weather way much than a persisting hot sun. It just felt less suffocating and safe somehow.

But her favourite feeling would remain the warmth of Sougo’s hand in her own. His hand was two times as big as her own and it still felt like the most natural thing in the world. She liked how they didn’t fit perfectly. It contrasted well with how their personality collided. Deep down, she just loved him as a whole.

Their date was doing great, the afternoon had gone by in the blink of an eye. Neither of them wanted to leave the other. They wanted to stay together for longer. Much longer.

Sougo parted their hands first and even if it was inevitable for it to happen, Kagura felt somewhat disappointed. It was too soon still.

Sougo didn’t leave for his own way like she had thought he would. He stood before her, almost two heads taller than her. She scanned him from head to toe and quickly noticed the way his left hand was shaking. She blamed it on the cold.

She finally reached his eyes, half closed and smiling, in some way. The crimson of them was so unique, Kagura could stare into them for days. He broke their eye contact by looking down at the ground. He took a deep breathe and before she knew it, their hands were connected once again.

"I have something to tell-no. I have something to ask you," Kagura simply smiled and encouraged him to continue.

"We’ve been together for some years now, you know. And even if we spend most of our time together, I still crave more. I want to sleep and wake up next to you, I want to feel your presence with me everyday. I don’t want to head home alone anymore. I don’t want this lonely feeling I get whenever I get into bed without you," Kagura was nodding along every word. She agreed with him, she felt exactly the same way.

"I want you, forever. So, will you..." He hesitated for a second, the nervousness taking over his body. He shook himself out of it and place his knee on the ground, taking the ring he’d bought weeks ago out. "Will you marry me?"

Kagura never thought she’d ever get married. It was one of her biggest dreams, yes, but never a realistic one, according to her.

She stopped the tears from falling and sniffled loudly.

"Of course I do, what kind of question is that?" They both laughed as he slid the ring on her finger. He grabbed her face and connected their lips slowly. As they parted away from each other, Sougo whispered for him to hear only.

"Don’t ever leave me."

* * *

 

The next few weeks were hectic. Everyone tried to do their part for the preparations and not everything went accordingly. They met some issues, minor ones and more important ones.

And as stupid as it sounded, the music choice was an important issue.

* * *

 

"Kagura, we are not playing an anime ost at our wedding! This isn’t even something to be considered," Sougo told her for the fourth time in barely two hours.

"Why? I think it suits us! Give me one good reason to not do it," He sighed, tired of going over the reasons. This wasn’t their first argument over the subject. He was fed up with it.

"Because not everyone likes anime! It’ll be awkward and even seen as childish for some," She pouted and sat down, anger obvious on her face. "C’mon Kags, this shouldn’t even be an argument..."

"I know, but I want a music that represents me, us, well." She sighed too and crossed her arms. Sougo felt bad for refusing her, he liked the song too, but it couldn’t happen.

"How about that; you choose any song you want, as long as it’s not from an anime. You get the pick and I don’t have a say in it. Sounds good?" The smile on her face showed how happy it made her. Sougo couldn’t deny her. He never could.

"I already know what I want," He tilted his head to the side. He wondered why this had all been a huge deal if she had another song in mind already.

"Well, show me then." She excitedly stood up and typed in the title into the search bar of the computer. To build a home by The cinematic Orchestra started and Sougo immediately recognized the song. They both knew what it represented.

"The song they played at the restaurant I asked you out at..." Sougo whispered.

"Yes! This is perfect, I adore that song and so do you, right?" He would never admit he liked this song if it wasn’t for Kagura. The memories attached to it were great and they would continue to be if they played it at their wedding.

"Sure. Let’s do this," She clapped in her hands and jumped in his arms.

* * *

 

The wedding was set to be on the 25th of May, by the park where they would often fight.

On the 24th, Kagura went to take a walk to calm herself down. She was feeling nervous and sleep just wouldn’t come to her. Since the weather was calm and warm, a walk seemed to be the best decision to halt her nerves.

The 2 a.m breeze was refreshing and Kagura felt like she owned the whole world. She felt good at this moment.

Tiredness finally took over. She turned her feet around to head home and that’s when it happened.

She didn’t have time to think, as soon as she turned around it was already over. The only thing she managed to see were the headlights of the car and then ut was too late.

Paramedics were slow to the scene as well. They tried everything they could, but nothing could have been done.

Sougo arrived at the hospital at 4:43 in the morning after receiving the call five minutes earlier. No one had told him the news yet.

"Where is she?" The woman at the front desk frowned, she wasn’t sure what to say. Fortunately for her, the doctor who took care of Kagura arrived at the same time.

"Okita Sougo?" He turned around and nodded, happy to see a doctor. This meant she was okay, right?

"What happened to her?" The older man hesitated.

"A drunk driver hit her while she was out, taking a walk presumably," Sougo’s entire body was shaking.

"Where is she now? Can I see her?" The doctor took a deep breathe. He silently motioned for nurses to gather, to get ready in case he’d go crazy.

"I’m afraid that will be impossible," Sougo thought he misheard.

"I’m sorry? I want to see Kagura! Right now!"

"Kagura is dead. There was nothing we could do, I’m sorry," Everything around Sougo blurred. The room was spinning and his ears were ringing.

"No, no, no, no! This can’t be, this doesn’t make sense! We’re getting married today, we’re getting married!" He grabbed the doctor’s collar, pushing him and screaming.

He couldn’t do anything as three people restrained him. The nurses.

"Please, tell me this is some kind of sick joke! Kagura can’t go! She’s not going!" He let his force go and fell into the arms holding him back. And although he was screaming, even if he was sad, there were never tears in his eyes.

* * *

 

He cursed himself for days for not being able to cry. The only thing he seemed to be able to feel was anger. He felt impossibly angry, furious even. He blamed everyone. The driver for killing her, Gintoki and Shinpachi for letting her go out, the whole universe for taking her from him and most importantly, himself.

He hated himself. He let this happen. This was his fault. If it wasn’t for him, she would still be smiling like an idiot for no reason. If he hadn’t ask her in marriage, she would never had went out for a late night walk. It was mostly his fault. He knew it and he hated himself.

* * *

 

He didn’t want to go to her funeral. He couldn’t face all of her loved ones. He couldn’t face the close casket with her broken body in it. Her so broken body, the casket had to be closed. It hurt too much.

But Hijikata and Kondo forced him to go. They prompted him to write something to say. They said anything could do. He could write a sentence or a whole book, everyone would listen to him. He didn’t write anything. There wasn’t enough paper in the world for him to write about Kagura.

Once they arrived at the funeral, the first thing Sougo noticed is the number of people. There were a lot. Kagura was loved by many, that he couldn’t deny. He never realized how many people she had touched, though. He never realized how lucky he was to have her. But it was too late now.

Sougo stayed by Gintoki’s side the whole afternoon. He was so strong, he had not cried once since the beginning. But his eyes were red and puffy and Sougo instantly knew he’d cried the whole night. He couldn’t hide it to him.

A lot of people made a speech in front of everyone, by the casket and the mountain of flowers. Her close friends and her family, sometimes even a stranger who appreciated her or whom she had helped in the past. Sougo was set to talk last and it was now his turn. He had no idea what he could say more than these people had already, until a certain song started.

He didn’t know who set up the playlist, but he hated them for it. As soon as he heard the first lyrics he knew.

 _There is a house built out of stone._  
Wooden floors, walls and window sills.  
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust.  
This is a place where I don’t feel alone.  
This is a place where I feel at home.

Sougo swallowed the lump in his throat and heading to the front. He crouched down in front of the casket for long minutes, silence the only thing present in the room. He sat down, his back turned to everyone.

His voice suddenly came out, hard to hear, but some in the front could make out what he was saying.

"Hey...Kags. Kagura. China. Whatever you prefer. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I never even got the opportunity to see you a last time or tell you I loved you. I didn’t do that often, huh? I wish I did, now. I was always too late about everything, don’t you think? I’m an idiot for realizing all of this stuff now that you’re gone. Why did you leave? This is the only thing I seemed to be able to think about. We didn’t even have the time to get married. Til death do us apart, as they say. But you didn’t leave us the time to make these vows. I don’t blame you, don’t worry. I blamed you for a bunch of things in the past, but not anymore. I wish I would have been nicer to you. Maybe you would still be with me right now if I did. Would you? Why aren’t you answering?" As the song progressed, Sougo felt more and more caught up in his emotions. Everything felt wrong and his heart hurt. It hurt so bad. At this point, everyone was crying silently at his words. Everyone could feel the sadness radiating from his form.

"You left a hole inside of me and I don’t have a goddamn clue as to how to fix it! How am I supposed to fill it? What am I supposed to do now that you’re gone? You were my home and now you’ve into dust. My home’s disappeared and it’s not coming back. What am I going to do?" He buried his face into his hands, his back shaking.

The only thing you could hear now were the sobs of a broken man. It was hysterical, like a child’s. No one was moving. They were letting him live his sadness, a sadness that took time to come out.

At the end of the song, Sougo calmed himself down and stood up slowly.

"Thank you for coming today. Kagura would have been happy." Were his final words before he headed out of the funeral.

His home was gone and dust remained.


End file.
